Children

     Today I went to a funeral for my friend Bob's daughter.  She was the light of his life, every time he would talk about her his face would light up.  I cannot imagine what he is feeling right now.  I am sure that he never imagined a time when she would not be a part of his life.  The fact that she had Down's Syndrome meant that she would always be with them and in their care.  It is never easy for a parent to lose a child, especially one that is so innocent and loving as she was.  Everyone that met her loved her.  My heart goes out to my friend and his family in their time of heartache.
     My children mean the world to me and I can not imagine ever losing them.  I would do anything to protect my children and keep them safe, and if anyone tried to hurt them I don't know the lengths that I would go to in order to protect them.  There are so many people in this world that hurt children, or go out of their way to avoid taking care of their own.  I look at my kids and I can't understand how anyone can treat children with anything other than love and affection.  I am not a perfect dad, but I love them and enjoy spending time with them, and I would do just about anything to insure their safety and happiness.  Nothing angers me more than deadbeat and abusive parents.  If you bring a child into this world, whether on purpose or on accident, you have a responsibility to love that child and teach them, in order for them to grow up to be a positive influence on society instead of a leach.
     If you have children, hold onto them and show them how much you love them.  Sometimes that just means being their for them.  Treat your children like people, not pets.  Teach them to do the right thing and to think for themselves and not be a sheep in society.  We have always tried to show our kids that we respect them as individuals and that they have a right to express themselves and their opinions as long as they are respectful.  Our children will, hopefully, grow up to care for others and treat everyone with the respect they deserve.  Our children are intelligent and caring people right now, so I have hope that they will continue to be that way as they grow into adults.
     Love your kids, teach your kids, and show your kids the way to make a positive impact on society.  They don't have to work for Greenpeace or constantly volunteer helping the homeless.  Just being a good productive member of society can make a positive impact.  I love my children and I hope they know I always will.

POLITICIANS SUCK

     When did all of our politicians go batshit crazy and lose complete touch with reality and the American people they are supposed to represent.  From getting into and continuing to spend our money on unpopular military actions, to ruining the economy, to using religion as the sole basis for making laws, they have completely FUCKED UP OUR COUNTRY!!!  Around the world this country used to be admired for it's morals, integrity and opportunities that were available to the average person.  Nowadays America is a fucking joke to most foreign countries.  We treat our criminals better than our veterans, elderly, handicapped and poor.  Our prisoners get 3 meals a day, a bed to sleep in, cable T.V., exercise equipment, free education, and on and on.  It is a pretty sad commentary on our country that the recidivism rate in this country is so high.  Approximately 70% of all released prisoners get rearrested within 3 years of release.  To me that says that the outside world is so fucked up for these people they would rather be in prison risking ass rape and shankings then live on the outside.  Most of these people come from low income backgrounds and find it impossible to make an honest living, so they turn to crime to survive.  I am not making excuses for their actions and in no way condone criminal activity, but I understand why they would find it easier.  Most criminals make a lot more money committing crimes then they could ever hope to make respectably.
     I am not a big supporter of President Obama, but I find it reprehensible that the Republicans are blaming him for not fixing in four years, what the previous administration took years to fuck up!  Two major causes of   our present economic trouble is the deregulation of the banking and oil industries.  The banking industry completely demolished our real estate market, and the oil industry is now able to charge whatever they want for fuel, raising the cost of all other goods, all while maintaining record profits over the last several years.  Another major problem I see with our government is all of the money we send in aid to foreign countries, while neglecting our citizens who are suffering.  We have approximately 650,000 homeless in this country, not to mention all of the people living in total squalor, homes unsuitable for habitation, children going hungry and overall substandard living conditions.  We need to take care of our own, I would sure as hell feed my family before feeding the family down the street.
     I am not going to get into my views on the morality debates that have been going on, because those who know me already know my views.  I will just say that I do not believe that issues such as gay marriage and abortion are issues for national debate.  I don't believe that you can legislate morality, especially when that "morality" comes from a book written thousands of years ago, not by "GOD", but by men who also thought they new better than everybody else, therefore if you did not listen to them you were immoral.  A book, mind you, that contains many contradictions, inaccuracies, errors in translation and many reinterpretations by various church groups and officials.
     People always say that if you don't vote then you can't complain, but how can I vote for any politician when I don't respect them and don't believe a single word that comes out of there mouths.  They are all constantly contradicting themselves, back-tracking, flip-flopping and flat out lying to our faces every single days.  If I ever believed that a politician had any integrity and was honest, and not just working for the special interest groups and people who line their pockets with fat stacks of greenbacks, I would be more than happy to vote for that person.  Unfortunately it seems to be going in the opposite direction.  The more I listen, the more I believe that politicians are only out to make money for themselves and their friends, and they could not give two shits about what the average American wants.  So to all of the politicians out there, FUCK YOU AND THE SPECIAL INTEREST FUNDED HORSE YOU RODE IN ON.  START DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB.  TAKE CARE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHO YOU FUCKING WORK FOR, YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS, HOLIER THAN THOU, MONEY GRUBBING PIECES OF SHIT!!!  ASSHOLES!!!

"The Hobbit"

Maybe I'm a nerd, but I can't wait for "The Hobbit" to come to theaters later this year!  I must have read the book about 50 times when I was a kid, and I could probably read it about 50 more.  There is just something about reading that story that makes me happy and I am really excited to see it on the big screen with real people playing it out.  I'm also happy they are making it into 3 movies instead of condensing it into one, which would severely cut out a lot of the details that make the book so great.  The trilogy movies were great, but they really had to cut out a lot of detail and imagery in order to make them into one movie per book.  Now don't mistake me for a Lord of The Rings freak, caressing my "Precious", and getting all butt hurt when someone makes fun.  I am not a fanatic, just a fan.  I can watch the trilogy movies over and over and not get tired of them, but I don't take it all that seriously.  When I first heard that they were making the trilogy into movies I was excited, but at the same time disappointed that they were not making "The Hobbit" first.  Now I finally get to see one of my favorite books of all time come to life on the big screen!

I'm not positive, but I'm trying.

For the most part, I find overly positive people to be exceedingly irksome.  They just get under my skin.  Maybe it's because I think they are just putting up a front by being so overly happy all the time.  I must say, though, that there are exceptions.  I do have a few friends that are very positive and happy people and I like them very much in spite of it.  I'm not generally the most positive person, but I am trying to eliminate the perception that I am always mad or have a bad attitude.  I do know that it is working because I just had my mid-year evaluation at my job.  It was overwhelmingly positive, and for the first time since I was promoted to management I was not given negative feedback for being too negative.  I was still told by my store manager that I need to smile more.  Whenever someone says something about me not smiling enough I usually ask them if I should walk around with a big dumb grin on my face all the time like some kind of moron.  Really, should I?  I'm sorry if my normal facial expressions are scary or somehow offensive to some people, but that's just the way I am, sorry!  I don't have a pretty face and I'm not going to walk around looking like a damn fool with a dopey grin so people won't be afraid of me.  Those that really know me know that I am not scary or unapproachable, unless you really piss me off, and it usually takes a lot for that to happen.  I am working really hard at trying to not let the little things bother me so much.  I am trying to be a happier person, but it is hard, especially the last 6 months.  I am by nature, or perhaps nurture, somewhat of a pessimist, although I prefer to think of myself more as a realist.  I generally have a wait and see attitude, and am pretty laid back for the most part.  I am not creative thinker, I am a logical thinker.  I don't want to be seen as Mr. Negativity, I know someone like that, and although I like them very much, the overwhelming negativity wears on me sometimes.  So I am making a concerted effort to portray a more positive attitude and try to eliminate most of the grumpiness that a lot of people see in me.  I know my bosses having noticed, hopefully others are noticing too.

My last day shift.

     So I finished my last day shift for the next year last night.  It was kind of a bittersweet day.  In preparing for the transition, I had to gather up all of my schedules and calendars and such to pass on to the manager who will be taking over my areas.  As I was doing so I felt a little sad.  I have really enjoyed working with the group of individuals in the areas for which I was responsible.  I will miss them, and I believe that most of them will miss me as well.  They even gave me a thank you card and two bottles of Mountain Dew, they know me well, before I left for the evening yesterday.  They are a bunch of hard working people who take a lot of pride in doing a good job.  It's not like I am moving away and won't see them anymore, but I will no longer be working with them very closely, and it sucks to move on when you have become close with a group of people.  As a manager, I feel it is my duty to take care of my associates and make their jobs easier in order for them to be happy and productive.  It upsets me when I see managers that think managing means that you can't be friendly and social with your workers, even worse is when they try to manage by fear or intimidation.  I have always believed that happy workers are more productive and do a lot better work than ones that are just trying to avoid punishment.  When morale is low among workers the end product, particularly customer service, suffers as well.  I wish that all managers were as concerned about the morale and happiness of their associates as I am.  I will genuinely miss this group of associates, they are one of the best bunch of people I have ever managed.  That being said, I am looking forward to working with the overnight crew, and seeing what I can do to help them to grow and improve.  On to new challenges.

Graveyard Shift

    So, it has been official for a couple of weeks now, as of August 1st I will be starting my year long rotation on the graveyard shift.  Everyone keeps asking me if I am looking forward to it, and I have to say that I don't really care either way.  I like the graveyard shift, but it does come with some drawbacks.

1.)  My sleep schedule will take a little getting used to.  It was much easier to do back when I was single, not to mention younger, and had no children.  I did it for four years in California and loved it.
2.)  I will have to sleep in the basement, the bed is not that comfortable, but I can black out the windows and make it dark which makes it so much easier to sleep during the day.
3.)  The kids will need to be quiet while I'm sleeping, because nobody wants to wake up the hibernating bear, he is very grouchy.  However my kids were very good at respecting my sleep schedule during my last rotation on the night shift.
4.)  I will miss the camaraderie I have with the day crew, especially all of the Department Managers I have worked with for so many years.  However there are several people on the night shift who I have missed working with since my last rotation and it will be good to work with them again.
5.)  12 hours of running from one end of the store to the other all while trying to push out truck loads of freight to the sales floor.

     Along with the drawbacks there are pluses to working graveyard.

1.)  Considerably fewer people in the store.  Most nights are relatively drama free and pretty quiet.
2.)  Not having to enter schedules every week!
3.)  4 days on, 4 days off!  I work 4 days, then have 4 days off, it's like a mini vacation every rotation.
4.)  Cooler in the summer.
5.)  Weight loss!  When I started this job 12 1/2 years ago it was on the night shift, unloading trucks and stocking shelves.  In the six months I did that job I lost 50 pounds.  My last rotation on nights as a manager I lost 40 pounds.  I tell people all the time, if they want a good weight loss program work graveyards.

     Overall it will be good to have a change of pace from my daily routine.  The best part of this rotation, as opposed to my last, is the schedule.  The last rotation was a 3 week rotating schedule with 2 of the weeks being split days off, it sucked big time.  I'm not really looking forward to working four 12 hour days in a row, but I'm going to love the 4 days off.  It should be fun.

We Saw A Zoo!

     So, we went to Salt Lake City last week to take the kids to Hogle Zoo.  While not as big or up to date as San Diego, it is still a nice little zoo.  It is also considerably cheaper than the San Diego Zoo.  The kids were very excited to see all of the animals, particularly the polar bear.  They also enjoyed the bird show, or what portion of the show we got to see.  One of the hawks was not cooperating and flew into a tree and would not come down.  Due to this uncooperative bird they had to stop the show in order to retrieve the errant bird,  because they didn't want him to decide to come down and attack the other birds in the show.  The most exciting prospect for Dylan was being able to take pictures of the animals rear ends.  He is a 9 year old boy, so do you even have to ask?  He wants to amass a collection of animal butt pictures, and he was able to get several of them.  Like I said, he is 9.  We were able to see the entire zoo in about 4 1/2 hours, which is considerably faster than I expected.  Overall we had a really good time enjoying all of the animals together as a family.  Hogle Zoo has definitely gotten better since I was there a little over 20 years ago.  They still have some improving to do in order to make the animals more comfortable and happy, but they have done a lot of upgrades over the past several years.  While we were up north we decided to go to The Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy.  We were quite surprised when we pulled into the parking lot and saw that the aquarium is housed in an old grocery store building, which I came to find out used to be a Smith's grocery store several years ago.  Needless to say we found it quite amusing.  The aquarium is pretty small, but it is well put together.  They kids loved seeing the penguins, otters, sharks and sea turtle.   Megan's favorite part turned out to be the area where you can touch the stingrays.  She was very hesitant at first and didn't want to touch them, she thought she would get stung, but after a little convincing she touched them.  She would have stayed there for hours touching them if we would have let her.  They are actually building a new home for  the aquarium in Draper.  The new building is going to be quite a bit larger than the grocery store it is currently in, so it should be quite a bit better for the animals than it is currently.  We spent about 2 hours at the aquarium and had fun seeing all of the different sea creatures on display.  It is also fairly inexpensive.  If you happen to find yourself up in the Salt Lake area I would recommend checking out Hogle Zoo and The Living Planet Aquarium.

This shark tank is about 14,000 gallons, the new one is going to be over 100,000 gallons!

Megan was enjoying the stingrays after a little encouragement.

Penguins have always been one of favorite animals.

One of Krys's favorites, otters!

One of my favorites, the tigers!  They have 4 and all of them were sleeping!  Lazy cats!!!

Megan's favorite part of the zoo!

My Best

I am doing my best
Trying all I can
Most times I think
That it's not good enough
That I'm not good enough
But how can I be
When I have been told
For so long that I'm not
All that I want
Is to be accepted
For who I am
And what I am
I am doing my best
To keep from falling apart.

Shell

Keep to myself
No one to hear
To listen to my thoughts
Stay in my shell
No one needs to know
What I am feeling
I am empty
I am hollow
I am safe in my shell

Illusion

If he were there
maybe he would see.
If he existed
maybe he could help me.
I have spoken to him
but he's not really there.
I have pleaded with him
for guidance in the past.
He did not hear me.
He is just an illusion.
I no longer believe in the illusion.
He is the me I envisioned as a child.
He is just an illusion.

Just Me

I am just me.
That is all I know how to be.
I am not able to be fake.
I cannot pretend.
I do not how care how I am perceived.
All I can be is me.
I cannot change what I have done.
I cannot apologize enough.
My mistakes are my own.
I bear them alone.
When you finally realize,
and leave me, alone.
I will still be just me.
Unfortunately.

The most dangerous bullies in America!

First off I would like to emphasize that I am not bashing religion or religious people with this post.  That is the last thing I want to do.  I respect everybody's right to worship, or not worship, in any way they choose.

What I want to say is that I grow increasingly fearful at the direction in which some people are trying to take this country.  The so called religious right is trying to push their beliefs on everyone and it saddens me.  One of the fundamental beliefs that this country was founded on is the right to freedom of religion.  To me that includes freedom from religion if one so chooses.  The religious extremists would have everyone believe the same way that they do and conform to their values without question.  They use scare tactics and bullying to try and force their values on corporations, the government and individuals.  The greatest issue in question today, in my opinion, is the whole issue of gay marriage.  The religious right would have people believe that gay marriage would destroy our country and all we stand for, but I have yet to see any of them present a valid argument as to why this would be so.  How could two people expressing their love and commitment to each other ever be a bad thing.  The reasoning I hear most is that the Bible says so.  It only portrays marriage between a man and a woman.  However, they seem to ignore the fact that the Bible also shows many other rules on marriage that we have laws against or are regarded is wrong.  Here are a few examples of rules or laws from various places in the Bible.  Plural marriage, or polygamy, is encouraged, and in some cases law.  A woman who is raped must marry her rapist.  If a husband dies and has not produced a male child his wife must marry his brother.  Wives must obey their husbands command without question and submit to him.  Christians are forbidden from marrying non-Christians.  Adultery is encouraged, mainly when the wife has not been able to bear a male heir, or children in general.  And , lastly, God himself said that  a wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and a husband must not divorce his wife.

I find it disturbing that these religious bullies like to pick and choose the things from the Bible that they want to follow.  There are a great many things taught in the Bible that have no place in modern society, or conflict with other scriptures.  It is perfectly fine to take prisoners of war and make them into slaves in the Bible.  Should we go back to that?  I don't know of too many people that would be okay with that.  Should we go back to the days of stoning a woman to death for not being a virgin before marriage?  I think not!  Nowhere in the Bible that I have been able to find does it forbid a man from marrying another man.  The   idea that have come across most is that God created Eve for Adam so that he should not be alone.  The first "marriage" in the Bible.  But if you ask me, to use this to define marriage as between a man and a woman only would be like saying "and God created a ham sandwich so that Adam should not be hungry" therefore the definition of lunch is between a man and a ham sandwich and not a turkey sandwich!

I believe that these people are the most dangerous kind of bullies in America!  It is not anyone's place to push their beliefs on someone else, especially when it comes to laws.  Read the first amendment if you haven't already.  It prohibits the establishment of an official religion, or favoring or disfavoring one view of religion over another.  As such, using the Bible as your only argument for making a law is unconstitutional.  Whether you agree with me or not, I couldn't care less.  It is my opinion and I have a right to it.  I only hope that this post will make you think.